Tag Archives: life

Once a dreamer …

Posted on August 23, 2012 | Leave a comment

always a dreamer … Being a nurse for the past twenty-five years has been an experience in and of itself.  It would take a hundred blogs running every day to review the exploits that happen just in my little world.  But this isn’t about nursing, not specifically, anyway, but about a path not taken.  I have enjoyed nursing, for the most part, and would not want to trade the experience and knowledge I’ve gained over the last two and a half decades.  It just wasn’t what I wanted to do.

I had three goals when I was a kid and they were to sing, play the piano and photograph the world.  All three of those things took guts and I didn’t have any.  I had no nerve, little faith and plenty of fear.  So I took the easy road, leaving my dreams to wither and fade into the dust of my past.

It only took a few months to realize that I had made a dire mistake, but I still had no nerve, little faith and plenty of fear; I just let it ride.  As years passed, the dreams I left behind refused to be still.  It became apparent to me that a dream that really did fade into the past, forgotten, wasn’t a dream worth chasing anyway; my dream was banging at my head and my heart.  At every opportunity, I found myself with a camera in my hand.   Nature and created things began to be a central focus in my life and weekends were spent jaunting around looking for “pictures to take”.  I went to work every day and spent the evenings fiddling with the camera, playing with settings, learning, without really realizing, to do what I had always wanted to do; be a photographer.  I never learned to play the piano and I sing only at church, but those are but ripples in the pool.  It is the light and shadow that I love and am thankful that even though I was foolish and fearful once, God saw fit to bless me with what I wanted most.

I find comfort in the images He shows me.  I will continue to work as a nurse but on weekends, I’ll be in the mountains or wherever life might take me, photographing the beauty that is before me.  It brings me inexplicable joy to be immersed in the feel and smell of creation knowing that I serve the one who created it.    I don’t believe in coincidences so I can come only to the conclusion that this path is one that God chose for me and continues to bless every single day of my life;  I may not have had the guts  back then, but I have them now, along with the faith and nerve to do it and do it well.

If just one is encouraged by this post to put fear behind them and follow their dreams, then it has served its purpose.

I had the ability to fly all along, it was courage to spread my wings that I lacked.

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Posted in Beach, believer, blog, dreams, Encouragement, faith, Florida, God, Life, Mountains, Nature Photographer, Photography, story, Time, travel, wildlife, worship

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It’s just a picture

Posted on July 26, 2012 | 1 comment

Just a picture indeed.  Often times … no, let me rephrase that … most of the time, when I’m heading out to shoot some photographs, I go by myself.  It’s not that I always prefer to go alone, but it’s hard to find folks who are willing to get up before the sun and spend the day watching the same thing for hours as the light changes, hardens, softens, highlights and clarifies.  When by chance someone does want to go along “for the adventure of it”, after about an hour, they’re done.  Too many times to count I’ve heard the words “how many pictures do you need?”  There is no harm or malice in those words, simply a lack of understanding of what it means to be a photographer in love with light.  To most people, light is just the opposite of dark, makes it easier to see, comes in the morning and leaves at night; they cannot fathom that it is oh so much more.

Light has many moods, influenced by many things, but there are a couple times of day that I can count on finding amazingness .  These are the golden hours or, as they are sometimes called, the magic hours.  These are the first and last hour of sunlight in a day (though they are more in tune with the golden 30 minutes) and they are pivotal times for a photographer.  The light is low and soft and depending on the weather, can manifest in a variety of ways that couldn’t be captured in a lifetime.  That is the reason another question always comes up.  “Why do you have to get up so early?” or “why would you want to be there so late?”  I have a simple answer; because I am a photographer.  I chase the light, gauge it, study it and try to gain intimate knowledge so that I can, in my weak, mortal way, capture it before it changes.

I don’t go to a place to take a picture or a snapshot, I go to shoot it.  Maybe the first photograph will nail it or it may take hours or even days, going to the same place, watching the same thing, knowing that if I keep up the vigil, I will be rewarded.  These are the kinds of things that my friends and family balk about and why I usually ending up going alone.  But it’s not their fault.  They don’t eat, live, breath, sleep and dream photography.  They don’t look around them and see a hundred things that draw their attention.  They don’t feel the Spirit of God instilling in them the need and desire to photograph that which He has made. Nothing wrong with that.  That is one of the things that sets me apart from them.  It makes me different or as they like to refer to it, weird, geeky or odd; probably some other stuff, too, but all along the same vein.

Understanding the language of light is to a photographer like understanding the concept of music is to a pianist.  Without understanding, there can only be frustration.  I have spent years studying the art of photography.  Maybe I could have made it easier on myself by taking classes, but I wanted to learn it for myself; to see what worked for me and, as the years pass, start to see a style of my own emerge.  And that is why I get up so early and stay so late and why i will continue to do so because the language of light is one of the beautiful ones that I know.

Psalms 19:1 ~ To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David. The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork.

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Posted in believer, blog, dreams, faith, God, Holy Spirit, Life, Photography, Time

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Thine, not mine …

Posted on July 21, 2012 | 1 comment

Sometimes it seems that life is at a standstill
That everything I want the most  is within my reach
But in my soul I know that if I touch it too soon, before it is time,
Then like sand, it will slip through my fingers and I will be forced into waiting again.  There are things I’ve yet to do before I will be ready for my destiny.  I await it, though, with bated breath.

So many people  cross my path every day in one capacity or another
Some familiar faces and others strangers, but the contact is there, even if only for one moment.  A word of encouragement or a nod and smile is so simple and yet …  Did I do it, I’m not sure, but still, I am  accountable for what I have or haven’t done because that is what moves inside me.

An opportunity for all I hope for presents out of nowhere, as if from the air
And words escape me as my mind races forward, struggling
Trying to grasp the answer that I know is there before me and then He moves
They are His words, not mine, that I want to convey for mine are empty and weak on their own and this, after all, is what He had planned for me.

What I do, be it helpful or hurtful will continue to move forward
Touching others who had no idea one person could bring such joy or sorrow
I underestimate God’s reach because I underestimate my own, which has nothing to do with anything and everything to do with where I want to go which is where He wants me to go.  It’s a choice, it always has been and always will be.

He knows what He’s doing although I often question Him
I suppose the humanness of myself cannot simply take a gift as a gift but must question it and examine it to see if it can be trusted, not having faith enough to just take it for what it is. But at the end of the day when I give thanks for my blessings I remember to thank Him for the day, irregardless of what it brought, because it was for His glory, after all.

The journey I am on changes daily
As I surrender all I am to my King
But the journey doesn’t end when I close my eyes to sleep
The difference that I’ve made in His name, be it good or bad, encouraging, discouraging or indifferent keeps rolling on …

Romans 12:1  (my favorite chapter) … I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.

~ read this verse, search your heart and soul … if you are satisfied, then carry on … if you are left wanting, seek Him … He’ll light the darkness… I read it often and each time, i’m either closer or further from Him … we are not perfect and Jesus, irrelevant of His perfectness,  understands that.  God bless and keep you all … not everyone believes, but there is no harm in praying … no harm at all …

Lightning over Big Moccasin

Oh Lord Jesus, I pray that someone, somewhere for reasons that only You know has been uplifted by You through me this day … Though there is much I would like to have,  there is nothing I can ask for that would bless me more abundantly. Amen.

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Posted in believer, blog, christian, Encouragement, faith, God, Jesus, Life, Photography, spiritual healing, Time, worship

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time, change and dreams … and the encouragement therein

Posted on May 24, 2012 | 1 comment

Time.  That elusive element that can drag out for what seems like an eternity or pass in a split moment.  The one thing that is both a constant and ephemeral, often at the same time. It seems to go hand in hand with change, a thing that I have never quite been able to grasp nor to become adept at handling.  While change isn’t necessarily a bad thing, often a good thing even, it is still unyielding in it’s power to overtake my life.  Change, like the passing of time, is inevitable.  There is no miracle that can erase those things that make my life better or worse and there is no magic that can bring back a moment that has passed.  Having a memory of something that has happened or that has been at one point is not the same thing as having that moment to live all over again.  Each time a memory is revisited, it changes slightly, taking on the gleam of what I would have it to be, whether it is better or worse than I remembered the last time I visited it.   There are even those memories that seem to be inherited, those that don’t really belong to me and yet they are in my mind and my heart as though they were mine all along.  My brain, heart, spirit and soul have been strained to the breaking point at times and when that happens, it feels as though any chance of a normal life cannot be possible.  Life then takes on a dream-like quality that is somewhere between reality and fantasy.  There are times when I hope to stay awake forever so that dreams cannot blur the reality that I strive to hold onto.  I dream in color and am often in the midst of violence and blood, neither of which I am fond of on any level.  Of late, my dreams have veered down an entirely different vein and it remains to be seen what will come of them.  I don’t put any stock in dreams, not in the way that some folks do in thinking that they mean anything in particular.  They are outlets that allow my body and mind to be free and clear of everything while taking a journey into fascinating, though often frightening, places.  I know that I am not alone in this statement.  I have friends that have dreams that make mine seem innocent and juvenile in comparison and I can only nod and appreciate that I have not yet crossed into that particular realm.  Time seems to have no bearing on dreams and rarely factors into them.  Over the past couple of years, I have spoken with many people about their dreams.  Their dreams are often perpetuated by time and change and revolve around loss and death of people or others, whether it was natural or tragic, that they loved.  Each person has said that they have had many, many dreams of those they are missing and I can’t help but feel blessed in some way that my dreams have never crossed that threshold.  I have not dreamed of my husband, not once, since he passed over two years ago.  I have not dreamed of my grandparents though my grandmothers, both of them, were a defining force in my life.  I have not dreamt of friends that have died nor of pets that I cherished.  While on one hand, I feel that I have been cheated out of revisiting those that I loved, on the other, I am glad that I have not had those moments between sleep and wakefulness, that place that holds me captive until I can awaken and have only the foggy memory of something happening.  I am glad that my nights are not plagued with actual loss and torment, though my days often are.  There are days and days that have no significance whatsoever, and then suddenly, out of the shadows, time passes and a moment that meant so much is upon me and I feel as though I am dying myself.  I have wished to die.  Maybe it is a fallacy to believe that everyone has a moment here and there when the burdens of life become so heavy that death seems like the obvious solution.  It is not the solution, not to anything, at least not by my own hand, but there have been times when it weighed into the equation.  As I’ve gotten older, more experienced and possibly even wiser, those thoughts don’t enter into my mind.  It is irresponsible to believe such dwellings and above all things, I do not want to be irresponsible.  Ok, that’s a lie, I do want to be irresponsible and completely carefree and irrational, but reality keeps me tethered whether I like it that way or not.  I have found myself, at times of great despair, praying for faith, but praying for faith is like spitting in the wind.  In order for prayer to do any good, faith must come first, for if I have no faith in whom to which I pray, then I have wasted my time.  I do have faith.  I have faith in an awesome God that has taken me through valleys that I would never have believed I could have lived through.  I came out bruised and battle-scarred, but not broken.  I have been close to being broken, but never to the point of no return.  That is one of the mysteries of time.  It can heal or it can destroy, depending on what I decide to do with the circumstances that are given me.  So whether it be time or change or dreams that I cannot control, when the day dawns and I awake, I am thankful for all I have learned.  I’m a bit apprehensive about the lessons  yet to learn, but those valleys are not my concern at the moment, and when I travel through them, I will not be alone.  And neither will those who will read these words and hopefully, find some kind of comfort in knowing that the thoughts of time and change and dreams are shared by many, that they are not alone in their journey through the darkest times they will ever face.  I am not so gullible as to think that there will not be more darkness in my life, but with each trial, I find that I am stronger and more able to face that which will come.  That is the beauty of the mystery of time … it really does, if allowed to pass, heal and restore our minds and hearts to a place that is bearable, a place in which we become not those who are discouraged by life, but are able to encourage because of it.  I like to think that because I have been there, I can encourage others who are there now, wherever that place may be.  So be encouraged my friends, and know that irregardless of what is in the here and now, tomorrow is another day and there will eventually be joy in the morning.

Romans 8:38-39 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,                        Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

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Posted in believer, blog, christian, death of a loved one, dreams, Encouragement, faith, God, Greeting Cards, Life, Moving on, Photography, Sorrow and loss, Time

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What is an idol, anyway?

Posted on March 18, 2012 | Leave a comment

Idols.  I think it is safe to say that, when talking about idols in the Biblical sense, the image pops into our minds of statues or other man-made things that we choose to worship.  But in the grand scheme of things, those types of idols are only a small part of what is placed before God.  Now, Webster’s dictionary defines an idol as a representation or symbol of an object of worship: a false god – so if it is a representation or symbol, it can be many things.  Money, worry, job, children, anger, food, alcohol, sex and a myriad of other things could be considered an idol.  I have, as likely many followers of Christ can say as well, had idols in my life.  I have spent many nights thinking about how I was going to pay my bills instead of giving the problem to God, letting Him handle it, and then praising Him for it.  I have sacrificed many a blessing because I was too busy chasing after something that ultimately could not bring me peace or joy that lasted more than a few minutes, or at best, a few days.  The valley is a place that I am more familiar with than I would like to be.  The mountain is where I prefer to find myself, but without the valleys, how could I possibly know that there was a mountain to be on in the first place.  I’ve spent a good part of my life searching for something and then grasping onto the first thing that made me feel whole, only to learn that the wholeness was only temporary and that the weight of my burdens soon overpowered me again and I would find myself right back where I started.  God doesn’t share.  He won’t give blessings to us when we are giving our praise and adoration to something else.  It took me a long time to come to the realization that there is only one thing I truly need to be at peace with myself, with my life and with the world around me, but once I realized it, it was so simple that I could scarcely believe that I had been looking everywhere for what was in my heart to begin with.  When I asked Jesus to save me, He did and the Holy Spirit took His place in my heart and soul, but, and isn’t it a shame that there always has to be a but … but when I put the stress and failures of my life on a pedestal, then I hinder any blessing that could have been mine.  This whole post came about because I was reading in 1 John, chapter 5 this morning.  The chapter is about love and faith, confidence in God when praying for things that are in His will and the knowledge that He will provide them for us.  But the very last verse says Little children, keep yourselves from idols. Amen. There can be no confidence in God when He is not the center of our lives, if He is not the object of our worship and if He is only an afterthought, so little children, keep yourselves from idols, amen.

1 John 5:14-15:  14 And this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He heareth us, 15 And if we know that He hears us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of Him

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Posted in believer, blog, christian, faith, follower of Jesus, God, Holy Spirit, idol, Jesus, Life, worship

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Sometimes the encourager needs encouragement

Posted on March 8, 2012 | 1 comment

Underneath the umbrella of certainty, there is, as always, an uncertainty.  Now, while that may sound profound, it isn’t.  It’s just one of those things that popped into my head while I was sitting around feeling sorry for myself.  I am certain that, after all this time, there should not be days that I come home from work and expect to see a chair in my living room with the man I love waiting in it to welcome me home.  But the brain is a wonderfully complex thing and doesn’t always follow along with certainty, objectivity or, even at times, reality. 

It is, in a way, like expecting to take a drink of water, and have tea or coffee in the glass instead.  It is a momentary shock to the system followed with a quick recovery of remembrance of what was, or was not, there to begin with.  Life is very much like that tea in the water glass.  It looks like the same old day, the same road, the same surroundings, but, at any given time, a hitch can throw the whole process off. 

I don’t like days like that.  They usually end up with somebody, likely myself, crying or upset, sometimes angry that I was duped again by my own fatigue or momentary lapse in reality.  But days like this come along.  If allowed to have control, they will bring down not only that day, but days to follow.  Satan loves nothing better than to be watching from the shadows when that happens.  In the moment of surprise, he is able to stick his foot in the otherwise locked door and once his foot is in, it doesn’t take him long to maneuver his whole self into the scenario. 

I can’t think of anything, other than prayer and the knowledge of just how much I am loved by Jesus, that can push him out and shut the door.  It doesn’t pay to be fooled into thinking that if the only part that is left in the stronghold is a foot, then the stronghold is safe.  The part that kicks you down before it steps on you is the foot.  It will do us all well to remember that.  Our minds will play tricks on us, dulling memories over time to register what seems to be important and then building that into something that is extravagantly overstated. 

I was having one of those days today.  The foot was in the door and just when I was near to being kicked to the ground, there was a knock at it.  And at the door was my niece and she had something special for me.  It was a picture of a flower that she had drawn and had written both her name and mine on it.  It wouldn’t have mattered if it had been a rock from the garden, she took the time to bring it over, in the pouring rain, to shed some joy on what was fast becoming a rough evening. 

Jesus doesn’t forsake us when we’re down.  He doesn’t leave us to fend for ourselves even when we forget to pray for His help.  He knows what we have need for and sends His encouragement so that we can get that foot, along with the rest of the devil, out of our door. Jesus has shown me over and over again that my gift is one of encouragement … just as He’s shown me over and over again that sometimes, the encourager needs to be encouraged.   In this case, I hung the encouragement on the fridge and just looking at  it reminds me that not only is all not lost, but much has only just begun.

2 Corinthians 12:9 ~ 9And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Addendum:  two years later, that encouragement is still hanging on my fridge.  Jesus is everything He promised He would be.  I am in awe of Him.

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Posted in Encouragement, faith, family, God, Life, spiritual healing, worship

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Rest and relaxation … It’s all a front

Posted on November 22, 2011 | Leave a comment

Rest and relaxation, indeed.  It’s on Twitter, Facebook, Google + and nearly every other social media network on the planet.  Everybody is talking about rest and relaxation.  A few days just to themselves, with no interruptions to their complete and total relaxation. They stress the relaxation so everyone around them gets the point loud and clear that they are not to be bothered.  But the reason they can’t be bothered has little to do with relaxation.  I wouldn’t be afraid to guess that at least a third … and that, in my opinion, is being conservative … of women and a significant number of men will be spending their relaxation time pouring over websites, rss feeds, alerts, news feeds, email, texts and papers; planning, getting their strategy down and their mojo up … mapping and trying to decide where it is, out of the half dozen places the list has been narrowed to, that they intend to make their first stand.  Of course, there is the agonizing and relaxing decision as whether to go at Midnight, or be there a few hours before.

This is the same midnight that will follow Thanksgiving Day, another time of rest and relaxation.  It starts with rising extra early to prepare the turkey and dressing for baking, making rolls, rolling out pie dough and cooking up some giblet gravy.   In the midst of all this is trying to find a way to cook a casserole in the oven that is currently housing the twenty-three pound turkey that barely fits by itself without hitting the burners.  But that’s not all, because there is an urge to constantly look at the clock and think over and over that there is no way in heaven or earth that everything will be ready by dinnertime.  This restful behavior can sometimes be associated with emotional outbursts and mad fits, so it is best to delegate some of the relaxation to others so that an overload of relaxation doesn’t cause a total system shutdown.

After half the people that are expected and one hundred that weren’t have arrived for Thanksgiving dinner, the food devoured, the kitchen and dining room all but obliterated from the rest of the house, the second phase of relaxation begins.  This phase usually takes about two hours as most of the partakers of the prepared feast head off to relax after dinner.  The husbands and their cronies … well, what do they know?  But the sisters, mothers, daughters and ex-friends have gone off to pour over the papers for one last glance at the game plan while somebody has to stay behind to clean up.  This thought will bounce around  in their head the entire time that the cleanup process is in progress.  Once it is completed, all that bouncing usually causes a mood swing that leads to a mad fit and an all out argument over nothing at all but has the potential to become an all out brawl … but it doesn’t matter in the least because this is a time of relaxation.

A half an hour before midnight, armed with phone and a credit card, the most important part of the relaxation begins. The storming into the midst of warriors who have put just as much time, just as much thought and just as many hours of research into the strategy they came up with.  Suddenly, everybody is on the same ground and the urge to punch somebody in the face just for having the same idea is so strong, visions of jail cells and the embarrassment of friends and family who had done nothing to deserve it will float vividly, like a floating balloon, through their minds.  Better to save it until it can be effectively used as an excuse for self-defense.  It’s funny what goes through the mind while it’s relaxing.

After thirty-plus hours pushing, shoving, yelling, pulling, jerking, grouching, crying, stomping, stalking off and finally crawling to the car with a silly grin and a look of the insane, the relaxation session is finally, blessedly over.  The next two days will be used solely to recover from the relaxation.  By the time work begins again on Monday, the first words out of everyone’s mouth will be now i need a vacation … some relaxation time … but don’t worry overmuch …the same opportunities along with a dozen you can’t possibly go to but simply must find a way will clog calendars, pda’s and phones.  Knowing on Christmas Eve that the most important gift is locked at the office which has been locked down for cleaning and won’t be accessible until after New Year … see, there are countless opportunities for relaxation near Christmas.  Don’t give it another thought.

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!

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Myself ain’t who she used to be

Posted on October 22, 2011 | Leave a comment

Myself.  One of the first words we learn as kiddos and one of the most damaging ones we can use as an adult.  I can do it myself.  I don’t need any help.  I have everything under control.  I am the master of my universe.  I can handle it.  All of these phrases have passed through my mind and many of them through my lips.  And it is such a lie.   A deceitful, self-defeating lie that is harmful to me on so many levels.  I, on my own, am like one of the chickens my grandparents used to raise.  There was a wire fence that was open on both ends, but the chickens would get behind it and walk back and forth all day and never realize they could go around.  The world, even my tiny, limited part of it, sometimes threatens to overwhelm me, forcing me to try to find someway out besides the door.   But, I can handle it.

I had dinner this week with one of my oldest and dearest friends.  We’ve known each other since we were in second grade.  I only see her a few times a year, but that doesen’t matter.  I know she is there.  At least I do now.  We only recently reconnected after having lost touch for many years.  That is the way with all of my old friends.  There are people that I think of nearly every day, but somewhere along the way, I decided that I didn’t need anybody.  So without meaning to, I lost touch with wonderful friends that I would loved to have known as an adult.  The blames lies with myself and the lie I decided to believe … the one that told me I could handle it.

As I get older and the Holy Spirit continues to guide and teach me, I see things more clearly.  I see that myself is not who she used to be.  That myself died when I gave my life to Jesus.  All these years that I have continued to believe the lie that I can do it myself and don’t need anyone has been my own doing.  Jesus took that along with all the other baggage when I gave myself to Him.  I didn’t have to carry it, but as long as I was determined to, He was going to let me.  When I look past what I let myself believe to what is actually real, I see myself as who I am now, not who I was then.  I find that I can be myself instead of making myself into someone that myself thought I wanted to be.  I am who God wants me to be.  There is power in that.

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Letting Go … the precursor to moving on

Posted on September 23, 2011 | 2 comments

Somewhere along the way, we all get a little lost.  Take a turn that leads into unfamiliar territory, make a move that, even before it’s finished, we know it was a bad one.  We go about our daily lives oblivious to anything except what is happening at that particular moment in our own circle, be it our circle of family, circle of friends or circle of work.  We think about our health, our cars, our pets, our homes.  We think about what we’ve lost and what we hope to accomplish.  And there’s nothing wrong with that, at least on a limited scale … but when our eyes can no longer focus on anything that goes past the end of our nose, then it becomes a problem and it is at that moment that we become lost.  Now, mayhaps you are reading this and saying to yourself that this is utter nonsense and that people don’t get lost within themselves.  But I ask you, where else does one get lost?  Who holds us prisoner at night when we are tossing and turning, chasing sleep and trying to outrun dreams that plague us?  Who taunts us to believe the worst about ourselves and remind ourselves of all the wrongs, mistakes, harsh words and missed opportunities that have come and gone in our lives? Who congers the ghosts that threaten our very sanity and then curl into a ball when we reach the lowest level we can go and still have a pulse?  At what point do we stop beating ourselves up for a past we cannot change and a future we cannot control?  I look back on my own life way more than is good for me.  I revisit embarrassing moments and know, without a doubt, that the person or persons who were a part of it think of it as often as I do.  Memories of tears and pain that have been long past resurface and again, I am certain that the other parties involved think of it, too.  It is at this point that I cannot see past the nose on my face.  When my own shortcomings force me to admit loudly and often how imperfect I was, am and forever will be,  I am, without a doubt, my own worst enemy.  Moving forward is the only option, unless death gets to us first and the only way to move forward is to cut the bonds that hold us in place.  I’m looking for the scissors even as I write this … how about you?

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Posted in Life, Moving on

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When bad things happen to good people being bad but trying not to be

Posted on September 14, 2011 | 1 comment

Bad people.  Well, there are the usual suspects that immediately come to mind, the ones who kill, maim and destroy lives … the ones who brag about the chaos they’ve caused and dream about doing it again … those that are beyond the scope of what we can understand, but are still loved by the Father, and nonetheless, I have and am sure many, if truth be told, can say that “they got what they deserved” … but what about the others?

For instance, although I couldn’t pick him or his pick-up out of a line-up, this dude passes me, partly in my lane and flying.  My first thought was “I hope you get a ticket, you idiot”.  Yep.  My first thought. Not “Lord, watch over this man and get him to his destination safely” … nope, it was actual hope that he would be pulled over and given a ticket.  Something that everybody hates.  The little voice whispers “do unto others” … but …

And then, there is that person who pulled out at the last minute, went half a mile and turned.  I slammed on my brakes and screeched to a halt to keep from hitting this person and the first thought in my head isn’t “Thank You, Lord, for sparing me and not letting me wreck”.  No, it is “you moron … just pull out and stop why don’t you?   Jerk.”  Again, that little voice reminding me to “do unto others” …

and then I put myself in the place where the stones I was throwing were landing

What about all those times that emotions or family or both had me discombobulated?  When work was like a millstone around my neck and I could barely force myself to go.  Distracted and unfocused, it is very believable that I was either of these people.  I hope that anyone behind or beside me did not react as I did, but as I should have.

In my own way, I am bad.  I snap at my family and friends and think thoughts that I know can lead nowhere good.  I sometimes go for days without reading my Bible.  I think about it, but don’t do it.  I often begin the morning with groans of disappointment that I have to get up instead of embracing it as the miraculous gift that it is.  I am so imperfect that any stone I throw could be thrown at me.  Sometimes bad things happen to good people when they’re being bad but trying not to be.  This doesn’t make us bad, but it should make us take notice.

Never, ever reject Grace when it is offered.

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