always a dreamer … Being a nurse for the past twenty-five years has been an experience in and of itself. It would take a hundred blogs running every day to review the exploits that happen just in my little world. But this isn’t about nursing, not specifically, anyway, but about a path not taken. I have enjoyed nursing, for the most part, and would not want to trade the experience and knowledge I’ve gained over the last two and a half decades. It just wasn’t what I wanted to do.
I had three goals when I was a kid and they were to sing, play the piano and photograph the world. All three of those things took guts and I didn’t have any. I had no nerve, little faith and plenty of fear. So I took the easy road, leaving my dreams to wither and fade into the dust of my past.
It only took a few months to realize that I had made a dire mistake, but I still had no nerve, little faith and plenty of fear; I just let it ride. As years passed, the dreams I left behind refused to be still. It became apparent to me that a dream that really did fade into the past, forgotten, wasn’t a dream worth chasing anyway; my dream was banging at my head and my heart. At every opportunity, I found myself with a camera in my hand. Nature and created things began to be a central focus in my life and weekends were spent jaunting around looking for “pictures to take”. I went to work every day and spent the evenings fiddling with the camera, playing with settings, learning, without really realizing, to do what I had always wanted to do; be a photographer. I never learned to play the piano and I sing only at church, but those are but ripples in the pool. It is the light and shadow that I love and am thankful that even though I was foolish and fearful once, God saw fit to bless me with what I wanted most.
I find comfort in the images He shows me. I will continue to work as a nurse but on weekends, I’ll be in the mountains or wherever life might take me, photographing the beauty that is before me. It brings me inexplicable joy to be immersed in the feel and smell of creation knowing that I serve the one who created it. I don’t believe in coincidences so I can come only to the conclusion that this path is one that God chose for me and continues to bless every single day of my life; I may not have had the guts back then, but I have them now, along with the faith and nerve to do it and do it well.
If just one is encouraged by this post to put fear behind them and follow their dreams, then it has served its purpose.
I had the ability to fly all along, it was courage to spread my wings that I lacked.