Tag Archives: judgement

a haircut never fails …

to make me feel more like myself; more human and more natural.  I have worn my hair short since fifth grade and really short for the past twenty years.  There is something about the “peach fuzz” feel at the back of my head that makes me feel real.

If I have to entertain the thought of purchasing a blow dryer, then it is evident that my hair is entirely too long.  I wear it shorter than many men I know and am perfectly happy with it that way.

I have heard it said that it takes a great deal of confidence, which, oddly, I don’t possess, to wear one’s hair this short.  It leaves my face, a rather unremarkable feature, out there for the world to see.

Maybe it is sheer laziness on my part to keep my hair this short.  It is easier to deal with on a day to day basis, especially when I find myself on a particularly arduous trail shoot, crawling through brambles and making my way through muddy trenches.  It suits me and that seems to be all that matters.

Oddly enough, though I am not looking for any kind of relationship, it is the women who  most often slip me their numbers.  It doesn’t matter to them that I am not gay, they do it anyway, laughingly saying that maybe one day, I will change my mind.

It matters not to me what people think, at least for the most part.  It wasn’t always that way, but it seems, as I get older, others’ perceptions of me means less and less.

I am who I was meant to be and am still working on who I am yet to become.  Having boyishly short hair has little bearing on that.

When a new day dawns, if the length of my hair, the style of my clothes or the fact that what I wear matches has more bearing on who I am on the inside, then it will be most evident that I, as a human being, have failed.

What I look like, the clothes I wear, the hairstyle I sport and the car I drive do not make up who I am.  That person lives inside me and manifests itself with the way I interact with others.  If I am judgmental, then I will be judged.  It is that simple.

I try not to be judgmental because judgement sends me two steps back when I have worked so hard to move two steps forward.

I want people to know who I am based on what I can bring into their lives, not by what they can see.  Sight is only a small part of what makes up our world.

If what you see is all you see, then you have missed the point and I have failed to make myself heard.  It is a fail, either way.

We are all on a journey to somewhere and if all we have to offer is our appearance, then I suppose my journey ends here.  What we have to offer each other comes from within, not without.  It is born of compassion, empathy and love for one another.  Without that connection, that bond, what we look like on the outside is irrelevant.

Our outward appearance, when all the fences are down, has nothing, really, to do with anything if we are unable to connect to the people around us.  We are essentially, without empathy and compassion, no better than robots.

I love technology and gadgetry, but I have no desire to be a robot, short hair or not.

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When bad things happen to good people being bad but trying not to be

Bad people.  Well, there are the usual suspects that immediately come to mind, the ones who kill, maim and destroy lives … the ones who brag about the chaos they’ve caused and dream about doing it again … those that are beyond the scope of what we can understand, but are still loved by the Father, and nonetheless, I have and am sure many, if truth be told, can say that “they got what they deserved” … but what about the others?

For instance, although I couldn’t pick him or his pick-up out of a line-up, this dude passes me, partly in my lane and flying.  My first thought was “I hope you get a ticket, you idiot”.  Yep.  My first thought. Not “Lord, watch over this man and get him to his destination safely” … nope, it was actual hope that he would be pulled over and given a ticket.  Something that everybody hates.  The little voice whispers “do unto others” … but …

And then, there is that person who pulled out at the last minute, went half a mile and turned.  I slammed on my brakes and screeched to a halt to keep from hitting this person and the first thought in my head isn’t “Thank You, Lord, for sparing me and not letting me wreck”.  No, it is “you moron … just pull out and stop why don’t you?   Jerk.”  Again, that little voice reminding me to “do unto others” …

and then I put myself in the place where the stones I was throwing were landing

What about all those times that emotions or family or both had me discombobulated?  When work was like a millstone around my neck and I could barely force myself to go.  Distracted and unfocused, it is very believable that I was either of these people.  I hope that anyone behind or beside me did not react as I did, but as I should have.

In my own way, I am bad.  I snap at my family and friends and think thoughts that I know can lead nowhere good.  I sometimes go for days without reading my Bible.  I think about it, but don’t do it.  I often begin the morning with groans of disappointment that I have to get up instead of embracing it as the miraculous gift that it is.  I am so imperfect that any stone I throw could be thrown at me.  Sometimes bad things happen to good people when they’re being bad but trying not to be.  This doesn’t make us bad, but it should make us take notice.

Never, ever reject Grace when it is offered.

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