Tag Archives: gina minton kearns

An extra chromosome …

changed my life, as well as the lives of many, many others.  Five years ago, my youngest niece was born with Down’s Syndrome.  She was a tiny, fragile thing who looked as though she would break with the slightest touch.  Her fragility, however, was short lived.  Before we knew what hit us, Gracie was not only growing and thriving, but had managed to wrap everyone who met her around her sweet little finger.  The first time she smiled at me, tears filled my eyes.  The first time she called me Nini, I cried.  The first time she put those precious little arms around my neck and lay her head on my shoulder, I lost it completely.

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The fact that Gracie has Down’s Syndrome is irrelevant to everyone who meets her.  Her charismatic personality and over-the-top laughter make it impossible to see anything but the beautiful spirit she exudes.  She laughs.  She loves.  She thrives.  She plays.  She cries.  She gets mad.  She is everything she’s supposed to be, but because of that little, bitty, extra chromosome, she is so much more.

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Just by being herself, she is an encourager.  It is simply not possible to be in Gracie’s presence and not feel a sense of love and acceptance.  It was evident from the start that she was one of God’s special gifts.  She is blessed in a way that makes her appear larger than life.  Her very being commands attention without ever saying a word and people migrate to her, surround her, find solace in her.  She is, without doubt or reservation, a formidable weapon against everything negative.

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She possesses an innate ability to turn lives around with her genuineness.    She is guileless in everything she does, having no agenda or premeditation.  Her sense of self is unrivaled and her confidence unwavering;  that, in itself, is a testament to the strength and beauty that is part of what makes her who she is.  There are many things I would change in my life were I given the chance to do so.  Gracie is not one of them.

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March 21 is Down’s Syndrome Awareness Day and the purpose of this post is as much to help raise awareness as it is to sing the song of Gracie.    I am more than I was before she came into my life, but not nearly as much as I will be in another five years.  My life changed, for the better, the day she was born and I will never be the same.

To read Watching Gracie Grow, click on the photo below:

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On this stormy night …

while Barry Manilow played in the background, I spent some time catching up on photo editing.  I culled through landscapes, portraits and random shots of various things that caught my eye.

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The photographs are often exactly what I expect them to be, but not always.  Sometimes, there is more to them than I saw with my eyes; images within images that make me realize, again, just how much there is to see.

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The intimacy of holding wonder and beauty in the lens of my camera with nothing but light and shadow in between is profound; the effect it has on me is sometimes startling.  Just as a piece of music that soars and resonates takes my breath, so do the images.

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Contrast, light, shadow, color, reflection … they capture my imagination and intrigue me, teaching me something new every time.  The same shot taken a hundred times will always yield a different result as nothing, not air nor wind nor water nor light, stays the same from one moment to the next.

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I find, on occasion, that I have missed shots because I have become so mesmerized by what I was seeing that I forgot to click the shutter.  At these times, the magnificence of nature or the human spirit permeate my very being and make me more than I was before; more aware, more real, more emotional, more grounded.  Simply more.

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There will always be, no matter where I go or what I do, more to see and experience.  There will be new ways to feel old emotions and catalysts that will throw me where I never thought I could go.  That is the beauty of photography.  Every shot is an original.  Every shutter click is a memory kept.  Every image is a monument to a single, solitary moment in time.  The wonder of that knowledge never fades and it never, ever gets old.

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To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace ~ Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8

If it isn’t going to snow …

and snow BIG, then I am officially done with winter.  I am filled to overflowing with frosty windshields in the early, still dark mornings.  I am finished with the cold wind whistling through trees that have been bare for too long.  Winter weather advisories that never come to fruition and the forecasters who get my hopes up are now on my short list.

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Since I love lists so much, it is time to make a new one; a warm weather one.  This new and improved list will not include heavy winter coats, gloves or scarves.  It won’t include three layers of clothes or multiple pairs of socks worn under fur-lined boots.  It also won’t include walking home because the ice is too thick to drive in.

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I was recently reminded by a friend that boating season is just around the corner.  It took less than two seconds for the image of skimming across the lake with the sun hot on my skin and the wind in my face to fill my warmth starved brain.  I foresee cold drinks and much laughter as we frolic in the lake.  Actually, I suppose I should clarify; I foresee much laughter as THEY frolic in the lake as I’m not really box-ankled about jumping into water that I can’t see through.  I’m more of a “float-on-the-top” kind of gal.

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I look at my pale, winter skin and think of sunning myself like a lizard and admiring my tan lines (after the redness fades).  I love the sun and, unlike many people I know, don’t mind the 90 plus temperatures of a steamy Appalachian summer.  I long for the thunderstorms that come out of nowhere, bringing with them the stunning display of lightning and sky that only God can provide.

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I look forward to long hikes along shaded trails and wading in the clear, cold pool at the foot of my favorite waterfall; speeding with the top down over curvy mountain roads to get there.  My sister’s pool with the shimmering water and full-sized slide call to me like a siren’s song.  Trips to the ocean and embracing the sunrise in the wee hours then sipping boat drinks at sunset will find their place at the top of my list.

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Yes, I am officially done with winter and realize as I write this post and compose my list that I am going to need more paper.   Now, if I can only get Mother Nature to cooperate, all will be well with the world and I can stop shivering.

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I’ve recently returned to Earth …

from a musical journey that altered the perception I have of music and, perhaps more importantly, the percipience I have of myself.

A few months ago, I was introduced to the musical genius of Gustav Mahler.  I was taken aback by the way his music touched me, moved me and the joy that it brought to my soul.  The profound effect that it had on me was, however, inexplicably isolating; moreso, in some ways, than the other eccentricities that keep me balancing just on the cusp of the world around me.

I had a burning desire to share the brilliance and excitement of it.  I found, though, that I could no more explain the way it touched my spirit than I could the way that words and images fill me up.  After a time, I spoke of it less and less and held the wonder of it inside myself like a caged bird.  I spent many nights lying in bed thinking of it and praying that when the morning dawned, comprehension of its magnitude would become evident.

I made plans to attend The Cleveland Orchestra for their performance of Mahler’s First Symphony and thought I would go mad waiting for the day to arrive.  Having listened to tens of dozens of hours of his compositions, I was, in my mind, prepared for what I would experience; I wasn’t even close.

From the first bars, I was riveted.  The music soared through the grand concert hall, covering me with a power that I simply wasn’t expecting.  Hearing it performed live was like nothing I could have imagined.  It moved me so esoterically that I wondered, at times, if I would lose control completely and be asked to leave.  I was overcome with emotion and was left, by the end of the concert, beautifully, wonderfully, unimaginably drained.

For a time, I was unable to speak more than a few words about it as it swirled and churned inside me, weaving itself into the very core of my being in a way I didn’t realize was possible.   At some point during this time, I was reminded that to fully understand music is to have no real understanding of it at all.  It is its own language and changes even as it stays the same.

I ascertained that sharing the overwhelming impact it had on my life was irrelevant for even if I could put my thoughts into words, the intimacy I shared with the music was mine alone.  I was, in that singularly, enlightening moment, set free from my own expectations.  I knew then that I didn’t need anyone’s understanding of my perception of the music or how it moved me or touched me or sustained me.

I was, in an instant, irrevocably changed for the better and for that, I am thankful.

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Make a joyful noise unto the Lord, all the earth: make a loud noise, and rejoice, and sing praise ~ Psalms 98:4

an exciting or remarkable experience …

is how Merriam-Webster defines adventure.  I believe that to be an apt definition and find myself in such situations regularly.  I love driving along deserted country roads where flowers spring up in the hot days of summer.  Putting the convertible top down and heading to the high places with the sun on my face is sheer ecstasy.

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I have favorites; roads, bridges, trees, rocks, trails.  I love them all, but I do have favorites.  Often, I start to one place and find that, without actually being aware of it, end up somewhere else entirely.  It is these times I like best for I end up where I need to be to find that which I seek.  Sometimes it’s a photograph, other times, it is nothing more than silence ensconced in the beauty and rhythm of nature.  In these places of solitude, shadow and light, I think my thoughts and dream my dreams.  These are the quiet, lovely adventures that leave my mind clear and my body strong.

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I can’t compare my solitary escapes into the wilderness to the whirlwind trips to D.C, St. Louis, New York and Las Vegas.  Those were very different adventures.  They were full of noise, lights, crowds, smells and frenetic energy.   There was no peaceful silence or slow, lazy days.  In those places of chaos, shadow and light, I tried very hard to hold onto my thoughts as the world unfolded before my eyes.   While in Las Vegas, amidst all the opulence and grandeur, there was a welcome respite; a drive through the desert and across Hoover Dam.  That was an awesome experience.  Even with my mind boggled and my body tired, it was awesome.

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I’m certain that none of what I have experienced thus far will be comparable to the one I am on the cusp of experiencing.  I am going to a place I’ve never seen in a city I’ve been before.  Lord willing, I will have an orchestral experience that has the real potential to blow my mind with its magnitude.  I haven’t even left yet and I already feel altered somehow.  I suppose it is the excitement.    This era of my life is a precious window; my time, my place.   I don’t plan to waste a minute just watching it pass.

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There is something …

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about hands that has the capacity to make my mouth water.  Tonight, as I sat by a  friend as he played a song on the piano, I was mesmerized; as much by his hands as by the music they made.  They rolled effortlessly across the keys, without thought or direction … simply playing.  I couldn’t look away and wished for my tripod and a light.  I wanted to capture that moment, but I didn’t want it enough to risk losing the magic. I was surrounded by those powerful notes, feeling them touch my skin as they were absorbed into my blood, my bones, my thoughts; that is not something I would risk losing, even for a photograph.

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The hands of an artist are mysterious and intriguing.  My art teacher has the ability to practically breathe an image onto a page.  Each time I go to class, I stop and stare at a portrait he drew. The realism of it makes me shudder as it evokes precise images of a very frightening movie.  I fully expect the portrait to come to life and say, in a menacing, crazy-man’s voice, “Heeere’s Johnny!”.  But, I digress.  The hands.  The permanent ink spot on the finger, the darker shade on the pinkie edge, the way one lies flat on the table while the other draws; I sometimes find myself distracted by his hands and forget to pay as close attention as I mean to.  I want to photograph those hands, but it isn’t the time.  There will come a time.  I need to.  And I will.  When it’s time.

The hands that hold the hammer are strong and sure, yet gentle enough to bottle-feed a newborn lamb.  Those hands would belong to my Daddy.  He and I didn’t see eye to eye for way too much of my life.  I was too soft-hearted to hold my own against such a strong personality and sense of self.  I perplexed him, I think, more than anything.  At some point in my adult life, we became close; close the way I always wished it would be.  It was then that I started noticing his hands.  More often than not they were cut and bleeding, the fingers and palms thick with callouses from years of hard work.  I have taken many photographs of his hands, have managed to fade in to the background and work, unnoticed, as he does what he does.  Working, praying, fishing, gardening.  I have hundreds and each time I look at one, I am reminded of the love and strength in them.

fishermanhands                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      There are others’ I wish to see, to photograph.  Some of them are musicians, others not. I do find, though, that the musicians and artists have a greater pull to me as their hands are a part of what they create.  Just as my eyes are  essential instruments to my photography, so are their hands in the paintings they paint and symphonies they play.

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Photographing hands is an ethereal experience for me.  It is sometimes heartbreaking, the emotion that they invoke.  Knowing that I am close enough to that which I seek, to see it clearly through the lens of my camera, is the kind of moment I hope for.  I know, when I no longer notice that there is a body attached to the hands, then it is time.

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If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men ~ Romans 12:18

When sleep eludes me …

as it sometimes does, many things fill my head.  One of the purest and most beautiful of all are the words.  They fill my head, my heart, my soul and my spirit.  All kinds of words.  Work-related ones, home related ones; words about family and friends, dreams and possibilities.  Words about art and music, about fantasy, reality and the fine line between the two.  There are words about people, about things and about places I’ve yet to go.  There is something wonderfully relaxing about the music that words make.  And music they do make.  Their own rhythm, sometimes with a passion that transcends generations and makes them timeless.  I have yet to stumble upon the generation transcending string of words, but it is early yet.

I  have mentioned before, I’m fairly sure, that my Mamaw Daphne first inspired my love of words.  She, who believed in the adage touting that “knowledge is power”, forced me to look at words differently.  She made me see them for what they were and started me on the path of word appreciation.  They weren’t simply words to me anymore, but a tangible thing that I could feel, speak and interpret  if I but took the time to listen.  The love of putting words together in poems and journals, thoughts jotted down and life preserved through their magic; that came from my father’s mother, Granny Minton.

My dad once told me, when I was unable to spell the word “beautiful”, that if I was going to use words, I had better know how to spell them and what they meant.  An echo of what I learned early on from my Mother’s mother.  I learned to spell it and all the other words I wanted to use.

The third, and possibly the most encouragingly fulfilling of all of my word experiences came in my Senior year of high school.  I had to have one more English elective and I had already taken all of the available “traditional” English courses.  I looked over my choices and decided on Creative Writing.  When I walked into the room the first day, there was one word on the blackboard (we still used blackboards then).  The teacher, Mrs. Campbell, likely my favorite teacher ever, said to the class “30 minutes.  that’s how much time you have to make a story out of the word”.  I finished mine in fifteen.  The word was “adorned” and I never made less than an A in that class.  After the mid-term, in which the words on the board were “Charlie’s Bar and Grill”, she asked me where I came up with my story that had earned an A+.  I didn’t have the courage to admit that it had come from my own head, my imagination, my secret world … so I lied.  I told her that it was similar to an experience I had been through.  Not true.  I wonder where my life may have led had I believed enough in myself and my imagination to tell her the truth.

At this point, that is neither here nor there.  What is important is that words never left me.  They followed me and surrounded me through the wonderful times as well as the not-so-wonderful times.  There really is no substitute for them … not photography, not music, not art.  The symphony they sing stirs within my heart, mind, spirit and soul before it is played out with letters and punctuation; that, in itself, is priceless beyond description.  I am blessed beyond … well, beyond words.

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Last night, I went to the movies …

and found myself bored brainless in a theater that had issues with soundproofing;  the issues being it was nearly nonexistent.  Never mind that, though, for without those outbursts from the theater next door, I likely would have fallen asleep.  I’m certain, from the even sound of their breathing, that half of the couple behind me was sleeping.

It’s the first time I can remember being at a movie and not hearing anything but the movie.  No laughter.  No gasps.  No ooohs or ahhhhs.  It was weird.  Besides myself, there were only ten other people attending the 7:00 pm showing of Side Effects in Norton. That number, however, doesn’t account for the complete lack of emotion or reaction from the attendees; myself included.  Like I said, it was weird.

The movie was slow.  It started slow and ended the same way.  The twists were predictably expected.  Jude Law was not spectacular, as a matter of fact, barely mediocre … but pretty.  Pretty, however, isn’t worth an eight dollar ticket.  This, you understand, is only my opinion.  I have heard many people, some I respect and others I even admire, rave about the film.  I likely, without their input, would not have watched it.

The theater itself was, at first, off-putting, then comforting, and finally, confining.  Upon entering, I was physically and mentally assaulted by a cacophony of loud, shrill, abrupt sounds and rapidly-blinking, strobe-like lights.  I was unprepared for that blast of over-stimulation and fully expected it to throw me into some kind of manic state, but blessedly, for a time anyway, that seems to not be an issue.  Praise God for that.  But, I digress.

I got in line for the obligatory bag of popcorn and diet coke then made my way to where I wanted to go.  When I opened the door and  walked into the empty theater, I was taken aback by the inexplicably soothing familiarity.  Though I had never been to this particular place, it smelled familiar.  My thoughts flew backward over three decades to The Terrace, the first theater where my sister and I ever went to a movie alone.  Pinocchio was the film.  There were, at that time, still shorts prior to the movie.  I’m certain, that if my sister reads this post, she, too, will remember that day.  It smelled just like now. It smelled like good times.   So then, the comfort measure of the theater becomes known.

I suppose the only thing left is the confinement.  That came about twenty minutes after the movie started.  That instant when I want to leave, but hoped it would get better.  It didn’t, and there-in lies the lesson, I suppose.  After the movie was over, I came out if with the realization that I had just sacrificed two hours of my life for nothing special.  Next time, I’ll follow my instincts.  Too bad there wasn’t a piano bar in the area.  Some eighty-eight key therapy, done right, would have likely washed the taste of a bad movie out my mouth.

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That cherished moment …

when the cloud that surrounds me, taking me perilously close to a state of chaotic madness, lunacy, insanity; call it what you will, lifts.  It is a bit like going through a thick, consuming fog bank, unable to see in front, behind or on either side, left with only the senses (which are already stretched to the breaking point), to navigate.  Then, at the moment when I have reached what I perceive to be the pinnacle of hurt and disillusionment , the fog dissipates and nothing but clear, wonderful skies, stretch into the distance.  These are the days I live for.

I am thankful for many things, but when the fog lifts and I realize I have cleared another hurdle … well, I am especially thankful for these times.  They aren’t easy, not for myself nor those who suffer along with me by simply being  close to me in one way or another.  It seems that those I trust most carry the greatest burden.  I could apologize, but I have found that apologizing for who I am is a useless and undermining endeavor.  I am who I am and other than trying to live a more Godly life, I wouldn’t change a thing.  If an apology were needed, then I would have, obviously, been confiding in the wrong people; instead, they humble me with their tolerance.

I am thankful that each day brings me closer to that which I strive to be.  I don’t know, exactly, what I will be when I grow up, but I know, whatever it is, it will be wonderful.

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Isaiah 40:31 ~ But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.  Amen.

Here, lately …

I’ve felt like singing most of the time.  I have to admit, while I really like the way I feel, I am perplexed by it.  I can’t say, for certain, that I have ever felt as I do now.  Happy, but in a normal way.  Exuberant, but in a normal way.  I have the ability to keep a thought in my head and to make sense when I’m talking; even if it is only to myself.

I find myself smiling for no particular reason and being excited over simple things; like coming home at the end of a long day.  I find that irritations come less frequently and the ability to reason and converse like a human being is functioning properly.  It feels pretty good, actually.  The joyous feeling of contentment that I didn’t have to work for; a quietness within myself that I didn’t expect.

I prayed for a peace in my mind.  It is so difficult sometimes, to focus on the most basic of tasks, but complex and comprehensive ones come easy.  I don’t feel that way tonight.  In a way, I feel like I am seeing my life, with few responsibilities and much freedom, for the first time.  I don’t know how long this feeling will last or if it will ever come again … but I am hopeful.

There has been a change of some kind, though at the moment, I can’t put my finger on it.  Something uprooted?  Something planted?  I don’t know.  What I do know is that I am not the same as I was a few days ago; I am less fearful and that in itself makes me stronger than I was before.  I don’t know what happened, but whatever it was, I prayed for it.  I thank God for His faithfulness.

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