when the cloud that surrounds me, taking me perilously close to a state of chaotic madness, lunacy, insanity; call it what you will, lifts. It is a bit like going through a thick, consuming fog bank, unable to see in front, behind or on either side, left with only the senses (which are already stretched to the breaking point), to navigate. Then, at the moment when I have reached what I perceive to be the pinnacle of hurt and disillusionment , the fog dissipates and nothing but clear, wonderful skies, stretch into the distance. These are the days I live for.
I am thankful for many things, but when the fog lifts and I realize I have cleared another hurdle … well, I am especially thankful for these times. They aren’t easy, not for myself nor those who suffer along with me by simply being close to me in one way or another. It seems that those I trust most carry the greatest burden. I could apologize, but I have found that apologizing for who I am is a useless and undermining endeavor. I am who I am and other than trying to live a more Godly life, I wouldn’t change a thing. If an apology were needed, then I would have, obviously, been confiding in the wrong people; instead, they humble me with their tolerance.
I am thankful that each day brings me closer to that which I strive to be. I don’t know, exactly, what I will be when I grow up, but I know, whatever it is, it will be wonderful.
Isaiah 40:31 ~ But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. Amen.