Tag Archives: friendship

I know you …

from another time.

A place not of our present.

I understand your insecurities and frailties.

I am your friend and yet you do not recognize me.

I will always be around.

In the trees, the wind and the constantly flowing river.

I am in the crashing tides and stormy nights.

When you are meant to find me again, I will be where you need me to be.

Being forsaken does not mean that I have forsaken.

When you seek me out, you will find me.

You are my friend.

When you cry out, I will hear you and I will come.

Destiny has spoken her piece.

Time will reveal her truth

I will be there in your dark hour.

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A moment of clarity …

is priceless.

Like fine wine from a stellar year.  A bottle unopened and virginal in it’s uniqueness.

A moment of clarity when all of the world is in color, without shades of gray, without confusion that masks the wonders as the snow on an old TV.  Clarity without aluminum foil to make the picture clear.

I love these moments.  They are like photographs that have been taken simply to remind me that this moment isn’t all there is.

There is more.

There is much more.

I am feeling hyper these days and that makes me anxious.  It is such a small step from hyper to manic and I work dilligently to not be manic.

It comes when it comes and I have no say about it.

But it hurts those I care about.

I don’t care so much about myself.  This is my life and I live it, but when it touches others, it hurts me on a level that is far beyond what I feel capable of handling.

I am me.

I don’t know how to be anyone else.

I don’t, however, want to be a burden to my friends.

Yes, I am hyper, but am not yet manic.

It is only a matter of time.

I try to close myself off from everyone when this happens, but there are a few that I lean on and hope that, when all is said and done, they will forgive me yet again.

They are the people who bring me back to reality when I stray and they know who they are.

I only hope they know I don’t take them for granted.

Just a day in the life.

It isn’t always pretty, but more often than not, it is.  I live for the “it is” moments.

I am a survivor and this impending event will not break me.

It may bend me, but it will not break me.

I get by with  a little help from my friends.

clarinethands

Beemer, a sweet Great Pyrenees, shows his Hollywood

Taking it easy, literally …

Political correctness …

has really cramped my style.  There are things I want to know, questions I want to ask, mysteries that I want to unravel, but since the world has decided that everything is taboo, it seems that I’m not allowed to ask.  If I ask what the significance of a certain dress is for, I am frowned upon.  If I ask what the red dot on the forehead means, I am given the cold shoulder.  I don’t ask because I find it odd or disturbing; I ask because I am curious.  I really want to know.

I want to know what someone from India has for breakfast on an ordinary day.  I want to know what someone from Germany holds dear in their heart.  I want to know why and how and who.  I am curious by nature and have a hard time keeping my questions to myself, but find that more often, instead of answers, I am given silence.  Why is it that we have to be so separate.  My blood is as red as the next person’s.  My heart beats, my lungs fill with air, my eyes see, my mouth speaks.

I spent my years in elementary, middle and high school fighting cliques, trying to belong in a place where I really didn’t.  I really thought that, once I reached adulthood, those things would pass away.  There are things I want to learn, people I want to photograph and cultures I want to know more about, but I feel thwarted by a bigotry, prejudice and hatred that isn’t mine.

I know folks of different nationalities and cultures, different colors and countries, but I, because of the standards the world has set, am an outsider.  I don’t want it to be that way, but try as I might to find a way to change it, I continually find myself on the outside looking in.  I would be honored to be invited to sit at the table for a traditional African American New Year’s Day dinner.  To participate in the beauty of the preparation of an Indian wedding.  To partake in the awe of a German Christmas tree decorated with candles.  To walk in the vineyards of Italy and see the beauty that is there, learn what makes them beautiful and listen to the song that the growing vines sing.  I want to sit in an Irish Pub listening to the storytellers as they weave their magic and feel that I am a part of it all, not an outsider, not an American, not  anyone except who I am.  How satisfying it would be to sit at a long table, whether I speak the language or not, with a culture not my own and just absorb it, draw it into myself and hold it in my heart for all time.  I want to understand the color of red in the paint of Easter eggs in Russia.   I want to know what the traditional foods of Hanukkah represent, what the words to the songs they sing  mean.   I have so many questions … and no one to answer them.

I am not politically correct.  I call a spade a spade and am not afraid to speak my mind.  I only wish that there were others, ones who were willing to share, so that what I know of would be more than what I know of.  I am willing to learn if someone is willing to teach me.  I am willing to open myself to the possibilities of endless fascination, but before I can, there must be those willing to open themselves to the possibility that everyone does not harbor a heart of hate.  I am a child of God, that is true in the purest form, and as such, I want to know all there is about the world I live in.  I cannot help it.  I want to know.  I want to learn.  I want to know.  Surely, in all the world, there are others like me.  Teach me and I will learn, and as I learn, I will teach others.  Together, one at a time, we really can change the world.  Come … Let us reason together.

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A heart for all mankind … a heart for knowledge … a heart for truth

I failed to make myself understood …

sometimes there are things in my head that are so purely what they are, that when I try to turn them into words, there are no words.  I didn’t coin this phrase, but I could have.  I looked it up to see to whom I should give credit, but believe it to be simply a well written line in a story.  I heard it on a tv show and though I wasn’t paying attention to the show as it was just for company, the words caught my attention.  I wished, immediately, that the person saying it was not an actor reading a script, but someone I knew.  Someone I knew intimately.  What understanding and pure synchronicity; what irony.

I think it would be coextensive to my emotional relationship to music and photography.  I don’t know anymore about music than how it makes me feel, but … I understand it.  And when the light shows her beauty, I feel nearly dizzy with the awesomeness of experiencing that single, perfect moment.

I feel that way most of the time.  My brain isn’t wired the same way as most of the people I know.  I can’t relate to them and they can’t relate to me.  I have thoughts, images, ideas … but I have no clue how to explain something that consumes me.  It isn’t lost on me how I am perceived and, for the most part, I don’t mind.  But … every now and then, I would like to know that someone understands me.  That without words, they just do.

I know.  We all want that, right?  I know.  There are things I know, thoughts I think, emotions I feel and I know they are real, at least to me.  I want someone else to know they are real; to know, not because they have knowledge of me, but because they feel it too.  A kinship in a world of near-isolation, without fragmentation; a world that is frightening to some people.  Frightening, at times, to me.

I am strong.  I am grateful for that, for I wasn’t always.  I am thankful for a mind of my own, for being different.  Being different certainly had it’s challenges … God has a way, though, of refining those whose seek Him into what they are meant to be.  While I still have a ways to go, I am leagues from where I began.  I guess it is enough to know, that whether anyone else in all the world understands me or not, my Heavenly Father, who created this arbitrary mind, does.

Romans 12:2 ~ And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.