sometimes there are things in my head that are so purely what they are, that when I try to turn them into words, there are no words. I didn’t coin this phrase, but I could have. I looked it up to see to whom I should give credit, but believe it to be simply a well written line in a story. I heard it on a tv show and though I wasn’t paying attention to the show as it was just for company, the words caught my attention. I wished, immediately, that the person saying it was not an actor reading a script, but someone I knew. Someone I knew intimately. What understanding and pure synchronicity; what irony.
I think it would be coextensive to my emotional relationship to music and photography. I don’t know anymore about music than how it makes me feel, but … I understand it. And when the light shows her beauty, I feel nearly dizzy with the awesomeness of experiencing that single, perfect moment.
I feel that way most of the time. My brain isn’t wired the same way as most of the people I know. I can’t relate to them and they can’t relate to me. I have thoughts, images, ideas … but I have no clue how to explain something that consumes me. It isn’t lost on me how I am perceived and, for the most part, I don’t mind. But … every now and then, I would like to know that someone understands me. That without words, they just do.
I know. We all want that, right? I know. There are things I know, thoughts I think, emotions I feel and I know they are real, at least to me. I want someone else to know they are real; to know, not because they have knowledge of me, but because they feel it too. A kinship in a world of near-isolation, without fragmentation; a world that is frightening to some people. Frightening, at times, to me.
I am strong. I am grateful for that, for I wasn’t always. I am thankful for a mind of my own, for being different. Being different certainly had it’s challenges … God has a way, though, of refining those whose seek Him into what they are meant to be. While I still have a ways to go, I am leagues from where I began. I guess it is enough to know, that whether anyone else in all the world understands me or not, my Heavenly Father, who created this arbitrary mind, does.
Romans 12:2 ~ And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
A Photographer's Heart 