is a blessing.
Yes, you read correctly.
I am broken; have been broken and will, God willing, be broken again.
I am closest to God when I am broken for He loves me enough to be with me during the times in my life when I have nowhere else to turn.
I don’t seek out opportunities to be broken, yet find myself there.
I try to be good, to honor my Lord, yet I fail Him more often than not.
Ones who don’t love me have long given up on me.
That number is many.
People I have loved and adored as friends have cast me away as flawed, unworthy and incapable of love or friendship.
I don’t blame them.
I see myself that way.
But He sees me differently.
In His eyes, I am, though I’m broken, redeemable.
He sees something in me I can’t imagine.
Something worth saving.
Something He can use to help me reach out to others like me.
I am broken, yes, and being so, I am blessed.
I’ve lost so much, endured many trials, felt the hatred of those I held close to my heart.
It hasn’t been easy, but in order to be of use, it has been necessary.
I’ve been to the worst places; destitute, friendless, homeless, persecuted, forgotten, scorned, and yet have survived the flames that threatened to burn me to ashes.
It could have hardened me but instead, it gave me an understanding I wouldn’t have otherwise had.
The fire refines me and, with each refining, I am stronger than I began.
Given a choice, I would have chosen an easier path.
An easier path, however, would have likely made me hardened and judgemental; useless to the work He had in store for me.
He lifts me above the flames so that I might relate to another’s trials.
I’ve been there.
In the fire.
In the desert.
In the wilderness.
Alone in the darkness surrounded by shattered pieces.
And wherever I was, whenever I was there, I wasn’t alone.
I will never, as He promised, be alone.
I once thought myself cursed, but now I find myself chosen.
How lovely to suffer for my Lord so that I can understand the heartbreak of His children.
I cry often, yes, but each tear that falls, falls into His hand and is treasured.
I understand who I am because He understood who He made me to be.
I love because He first loved me, though I was so often unloveable.
All of us, regardless of what we perceive ourselves to be are, at one time or another, unlovable.
That, we have in common.
Don’t follow my example, but learn from it.
That is my blessing and I am thankful for every heartwrenching trial.
Without them, I would be just like everyone else and, to my delight, He has set me apart.
Grace, mercy, tolerance and understanding are mine so that I can see, without blinders, His people.
Thank you, Lord, for eyes to see and an often broken heart to help me understand.
Amen.
A Photographer's Heart 