but unfortunately for most of us, ignorance is a luxury.
I have found myself spellbound by the idea of someone.
The thought that they were what I might, had I actually been looking for someone, have been looking for is like a siren’s song.
It is easy to become sidetracked by the fantasies we weave in our own minds when we aren’t paying close attention.
I did that.
I wove fantasies, thought thoughts, dreamed dreams and built castles in the air when there were no fantasies to be fantasized about, no pertinent thoughts to think and no castles to build.
It is the downside of an active imagination.
Reality takes a back seat and the fantastical takes on a life of its own.
There is no shame in that; the imagining, wishing, dreaming.
No shame at all, however, it is important to know where dreams end and reality begins.
Otherwise, you are left scratching your head and wondering where you went wrong.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve spent way too much time becoming whole and confident in my own thoughts and abilities to throw it away by putting all of my eggs in one basket.
If you put all your eggs in one basket and then drop that basket, all of the eggs are ruined and you are back where you started when you didn’t have any eggs at all.
I, for one, want to have at least some whole, unbroken eggs in my basket.
I have, up until my husband passed a few years ago, never lived on my own.
Never experienced the pure joy of doing what I want, when I want, the way I want or not doing it, whatever it may be, at all.
I came very close to throwing all of that away by thinking I needed validation for this or the other thing.
I don’t.
Need validation, that is.
I am happy being by myself.
Alone, I am not lonely.
Instead, I am free in a way I never imagined.
I find myself pulling back from what I once longed for and realizing that I am perfectly content as I am.
I don’t know how I would react to a relationship, but the past few months have taught me that I do not need anyone to complete me.
I always thought I did, but I don’t.
I can ‘t remember a time when I felt so content.
Yes, sometimes my brain overtakes my soul and I’m manic to the point of madness.
But that, as it always has, passes and I am left, once again, serene in my solitude.
I have my thoughts, my words, my music and the magnificent creation of my Father to sustain me.
It makes me want to encourage others who feel they are not whole unless they are paired with someone to rethink their priorities.
I don’t know what I would, at this juncture in my life, do in a relationship, but I feel, at this point, that I have become too self-sufficient to rely on anyone to complete me.
When I need completion, I grab my camera and head to the mountains.
Companionship comes to me in the form of moon, sky, trees, water, light and shadow.
Seek what you will, but know, before you seek, that even if you don’t find, you are, as you are, enough.
Everything else is simply icing.
The magnificent song of Winter silence
A Photographer's Heart 