Tag Archives: survivor

Taking a shower …

is sometimes one of the hardest things to do.

Maybe it is a day.

Or a week.

Or possibly several weeks.

It shouldn’t be that difficult, but it is.

It requires focus, dedication, ambition and the willingness to wash away everything that has built in the past days, weeks, or even a month.

I’m not sure I’ve ever gone a month without showering, but I not positively certain.

What I know for a fact is that I showered tonight.

Super hot water and excellent Eucalyptus soap given to me by a dear friend.

Managed to shave my legs and stuff.

Quite a feat as that hasn’t been done since last December.

Did you note the song title?

Obviously, I have had multiple showers in the past year, but they are hard.

I love being clean.

I love my very awesome Eucalyptus soap.

I want to smell wonderful and yet there is this thing.

I know, on some level, I have friends.

I love my friends.

I love my family.

But when I am at home, with my dog Murphy, I get to be me.

I get to clean house when I feel like it.

Dust when I want, vacuum when the dog hair takes over my house and shower when I feel like it.

It took me a while to realize it, but my life if perfect for me.

I did all the crazy stuff early and got it out of the way, and now I’m sitting beside my dog looking at a three day weekend.

I think I may get a haircut tomorrow because my hair is clean from my long, hot shower.

 

 

 

 

 

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Ernest Hemingway said …

“The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.”

I believe this to be true. 

I’ve been broken so many times that I’ve lost count.

A couple of times, the brokenness nearly won, but for the most part, I came up with my head above water.

What breaks us doesn’t define us, but  having the desire to put the shattered pieces back together does.

I was many times, in the broken places, at my strongest.

I can’t begin to explain the transformation; but there was one.

I’m still looking for lost pieces, but I have faith that if they are meant to be found, they will be.

I do believe Hemingway was spot on when he, a very broken man, said that string of words.

If one hasn’t been broken, they’ve yet to be born and can’t possibly understand the beautiful array of colors that a skewed, broken and pixillated life has to offer.

Until you break it, you can’t begin to know what is inside.

A bit like a Sand Dollar.

Once you’re broken, you can’t stop looking at all the intricate shapes, shards and pieces.

I’m not much on working puzzles, but the pieces and parts of life fascinate me.

I don’t start at the corners.

Instead, I start in the center and build outward because the corners will always be corners.

Those broken already know where the corners are; it is the center that perplexes us and makes us stronger than we would have been were we not broken.

I, as we all do, struggle sometimes.

It’s part of the journey.

If we don’t struggle, we lack understanding and in doing so, give up.

If we give up, the broken places win and the corners cease to matter.

I’m not a poor loser but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t prefer to win.

Romans chapter Twelve is my favorite place in the bible. Each verse speaks to me directly …

But this one, in particular, (Romans 12:12) speaks louder each time I read it …

It says “Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instantly in prayer.”

There are times I’m certain God doesn’t hear me. I know, as any believer does, when these dark, silent times come.

The silence is deafening.

Unnerving.

Unwavering.

But at others, when the silence is broken and I know He hears me, I’m mesmerized.

Goosebumps threaten to overtake me and nearly make me forget what I was praying about to begin with.

Life is hard.

It’s hard for everyone.

None of us have the franchise of a life unriddled with trials and hardships.

But it’s also, if you pay attention, riddled with joy.

To give up or give in is a selfish act that says we weren’t willing to fight; to survive.

A coward’s way.

I was a coward for much of my life.

I refuse to be one through the rest of it.

I’ll look for those missing pieces, lost friends, severed relationships, missed opportunities.

I haven’t always, but I do now; but, if I don’t find them, so be it.

I’ll find them somewhere along the way or understand they weren’t for me to begin with.

I’m OK where, often alone, I find myself.

I always have been.

Whom shall I fear?

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