Tag Archives: photography

My Mother’s Heart

Tonight, as I edited photographs from the last couple of days, I kept going back, time and again, to the same one.  It was like a hundred more I have taken over the years, with the same shapes and textures, but this time, I saw it in a different light.  I developed the photograph in black and white which brought out each line and crease, each flaw and each vein.  It showed that, although in color, it is nearly perfect, in a pure form, without distractions, my mother’s Bleeding Heart is imperfect and scarred.  My mind began to wander back in time and the years melted away as I saw my mother in a way I can’t ever remember seeing her… as the imperfect jewel that she is.  How her heart must have broken when mine did…  How she, like Mary, must have treasured a lot of things up in her heart.  She hid her hurt, cried when no one could see, and did what needed to be done, whatever it might be.  She cooked and cleaned and did all the motherly things that moms do, but her love is what made home a place I wanted to go.  Knowing she was there was like a balm to a burn… a kind of soothing that comes from a cool cloth on my head… there were special birthday dinners, roller skates, Journey records, leg warmers, ballgames, a huge Andy Gibb poster, a phone in my room, food in the fridge, clean clothes in the closet and a million other things that I took for granted… of course there were disagreements, tears, tantrums, hurt feelings, arguments and, my own signature contribution, plenty of stomping and slamming doors… but when all was said and done, I was me and she was my mom, always ready to run to me if I needed her… Looking back, I see what I’ve known all along… that her heart is beautiful… and so is she.

Proverbs 31:25-31

I am God’s no matter where I am

I am currently a pet project of the devil’s and I couldn’t be happier.  If the old goat is this determined to get me to stumble, then it can only mean one thing… and that is that I am moving in the direction God wants me to go.  He tried to pull a fast one today and would have gotten away with it if not for my faith in a power much greater than his.  Acknowledging first that irregardless of where I am or where I go in this life, God is with me… the Holy Spirit is with me… and once that is acknowledged, all satan can do is aggravate me… he can pinch and trip and kick about, but he can’t do any real damage because I am sanctified…. he can’t hurt me or kill me or even touch me… so he does what he does best… he deceives…  he used my environment to make me second guess myself… And in the midst of his victory dance, God provided an opportunity for me not only to survive the sneak attack, but because of it,  gain blessings that I hadn’t imagined … and all I had to do was leap… take the leap of faith.  I’ve always wondered how I would know if I were supposed to take that leap… now I know… My God!  My God!…  but satan will slink back after he licks his wounds and devises another plan and some elaborate tale… evil never misses a chance to try to deceive you and make you think that you are not in the will of God… and he’s not afraid to deceive the people you love most and use them to do it… and as long as he keeps trying, you know you’re on the right track… I wish that every word and action that came from me would bring glory to Jesus, but we all know that won’t happen… I’m  saved by grace… but i’m still a sinner and I will be until the day I die.  Each day is a battle between good and evil and … I want to glorify Him and not shame Him…  Jesus foretold that those who follow Him would bear persecution and shame for His name’s sake… I am willing to do that.  I know the truth of my actions and so does God… and as I’ve heard my Dad say “The truth will stand when the world’s on fire”… Don’t let the things that are out of your control, control you.  Stand up for what is right and don’t be afraid to speak up for yourself and defend yourself if necessary, but more than anything else, pray…  Pray for guidance from the Lord… and pray believing with faith that, whatever you ask, according to His will, He will give you (1 John 5:14-15) and remember what it says in Hebrews 11:1 (kjv) now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.  Keep your faith, even when the world seems to be falling apart at your feet because it is in everything, sometimes even the dumb stuff, that lessons are learned… punishment can be harsh or blessings can be bountiful…. we have a choice.  Don’t let satan push you around…