Tag Archives: heart

My Mother’s Heart

Tonight, as I edited photographs from the last couple of days, I kept going back, time and again, to the same one.  It was like a hundred more I have taken over the years, with the same shapes and textures, but this time, I saw it in a different light.  I developed the photograph in black and white which brought out each line and crease, each flaw and each vein.  It showed that, although in color, it is nearly perfect, in a pure form, without distractions, my mother’s Bleeding Heart is imperfect and scarred.  My mind began to wander back in time and the years melted away as I saw my mother in a way I can’t ever remember seeing her… as the imperfect jewel that she is.  How her heart must have broken when mine did…  How she, like Mary, must have treasured a lot of things up in her heart.  She hid her hurt, cried when no one could see, and did what needed to be done, whatever it might be.  She cooked and cleaned and did all the motherly things that moms do, but her love is what made home a place I wanted to go.  Knowing she was there was like a balm to a burn… a kind of soothing that comes from a cool cloth on my head… there were special birthday dinners, roller skates, Journey records, leg warmers, ballgames, a huge Andy Gibb poster, a phone in my room, food in the fridge, clean clothes in the closet and a million other things that I took for granted… of course there were disagreements, tears, tantrums, hurt feelings, arguments and, my own signature contribution, plenty of stomping and slamming doors… but when all was said and done, I was me and she was my mom, always ready to run to me if I needed her… Looking back, I see what I’ve known all along… that her heart is beautiful… and so is she.

Proverbs 31:25-31

My musings of DC

It’s hard to know where to start when there is what seems an entire lifetime of events… that’s, i know, impossible as the time was only 2 1/2 short days… so i’ll just start somewhere and see where the thoughts and memories take me.. what struck me most profoundly in this incredible metropolis known to the world as DC, is that I felt like I had been there before… I have dreamed of seeing this place since I was a little kid… about 7, I believe… so many times, in my thoughts and hopes, I have walked the streets of Washington.  Some of what I saw was exactly as I imagined and others were more than I expected.  The city itself, at least the part where the tourists go, is clean and depicts itself as a pinnacle of history, tradition, pomp, culture and breeding… a place that draws me to want to be a part of it, to submerse myself in the history and become part of something that feels incredibly special and, at the same time, strangely familiar.  The stark white of the buildings against, on the first day out, blue skies, and then overcast with occasional sunbursts, were impressive.  Massive things they were, standing at attention, endlessly awaiting what could be the most important thing ever to happen.  And smart in their black uniforms were the armed guards standing alert and ready at every federal building.  They patrolled the streets on bikes and could be seen everywhere.  They were unsmiling and quite intimidating… but helpful, mostly, when asked for information.  President Lincoln, sitting stoically in his shrine, was most impressive… I wasn’t really prepared for the massiveness of the statue.  I knew, of course, that it would be large, but this was monumental.  The reflecting pool was frozen, save a small area about five feet wide… the Washington Monument cast a shadow across the frozen pool, a reflection to come another day…The columns of the great buildings were huge and made me think of Coliseums. The people who lived there, and they were distinguished from the rest of us boobs touring around.. were, in my experience, very polite, though distracted with the daily grind and bustle.  What I found to be a cool thing to do, they found riding the Metro a chore and high on the list of “dumb things I gotta do”.  They seemed oblivious, for the most part, they were living practically next door to the President.  It was exciting to think that, at any moment, the President of the United States could pass right in front of me.  I don’t think I will ever forget the feeling of pride and eagerness when President Obama passed by in his motorcade right in front of our eyes.  It was a moment that felt fake, as though I would wake up in the real world… and what a great feeling to realize that, at this particular moment, I and my Pentax were in the real world and this was really happening… DC was decorated for Christmas with wreaths and red ribbons on many of the buildings, a stark contrast to the white… Lights adorned the trees around buildings and Christmas trees were in abundance all over the city.  The huge Christmas tree in the center of the Ellipse on the White House property was impressive, and once lighted, was absolutely breathtakingly beautiful.  If the weather had held, we would have stayed one more day, taking a trip to Arlington Cemetery and getting a last look at the White House.  But, Mother Nature had other plans and instead of taking chances, we decided to leave early to beat the foul weather.  On the last morning, while at McDonald’s for breakfast, Taylor and I met a very nice black woman who sat and ate at the table with us.  She had lived hard years, at least that’s the story her face and hands showed.  Her name was Michelle and she was a wealth of information.  She has lived in DC her whole life and when I commented on how beautiful the city was, she laughed out loud and said “you han’t been dinetine has ye?”…  She spoke of her five grandchildren, her eyes lighting up as she told of each one and what they were doing.  She was excited that she was going to see them for Christmas.  We talked about the snow and she told of a big snow last year.  I don’t know if she was homeless… I didn’t ask her.  What I do know is that she was a fascinating, interesting woman with information about a place that I wanted to know about.  I wish there had been more time… I would have loved to have seen “her DC”.  I was reminded again, as she smiled over her eggs and hotcakes, that we are all children of God and He rains on all of us, wherever we are, just as He lets the gentle wind blow and the sun shine… just like He sends the north wind to tear at our hair and clothes and snow so thick that sight is impossible… He is too great to describe in a blog or a photograph… to omnipotent to ever begin to understand… but I know He loves me… and He loves Michelle… and all the others everywhere… He sees the happiness, discouragement, sorrow, joy… in Southwest Virginia and in Washington DC and on every inch of the world, both here and abouts…  I believe this with everything I am, was or ever hope to be… and I know He has blessed me beyond measure…  If this was it, I could not complain… for it has already been more than I had ever  hoped to dream for… Praising Him for blessing me in the midst of my unworthiness…