is my middle name. Deadlines mean nothing to me. In my mind, they are made to be broken. I used to think that they drove me, but realize now that they loomed more than drove. This year, though, even I have given procrastinators a bad name. For the past two months, I have done nothing but put things off. Relationships, projects, issues … name it and I have procrastinated it. It is four days until Christmas and I haven’t bought wrapping paper or tape. I have considered putting the few gifts I’ve bought so far into Target bags and leaving it at that. They are red and white, and festively the color of Christmas, so why not.
Each day I have told myself that I have things to do, shopping to complete, cards to send and a myriad of other tasks that I have put off, some forgotten completely. I’ve done little to no shopping and haven’t sent a single Christmas card. I am a greeting card designer, so that, in itself, speaks volumes. I know that in times past, I have put things off until the last minute. I’ve spent many times burning the midnight oil to complete a paper that is due the next day, one I started the night before. I’ve been told it is because I am an “artsy” type, a dreamer and a writer that I do this. I don’t know if that is true or not. I know that when I was in school and had a creative writing project, I could take two or three words written on the board and have a three page story written in twenty minutes; never made less than an A+ in that class. Of course that was a few decades ago, but I was a procrastinator, even then, just not when I was writing.
I can’t even begin to imagine how crazy I must have driven my parents. My sister, who is a singularly driven individual, is so different from me that if I didn’t resemble my dad so much, I would swear with blood and oath that I was adopted. I can’t think of another person in my family that takes such a laid back approach to life. In my mind, it will happen when it happens and if I miss it, maybe I’ll catch it next time. Funny, though, how I always seem to catch meteor showers, waterfalls after a rainy season or the high mountains when the rhododendrons are in bloom.
I can’t count the number of times every day that I have to remind myself to focus simply so I can complete the tasks that I have to complete in order to not be fired from my job. That’s not to say I’m not good at my job, because I think I am, but it doesn’t come easy. I talk to myself (out loud) and find that more often than not, I am behind on at least one thing. Usually more than one thing, but at least one.
In my heart, I am a photographer and writer. As such, I find it a burden to march to the drum the rest of world beats, but in order to make a living, I have little choice. The problem is that my own drummer beats louder than the world’s and I find that I’m following it and, as usual, procrastinating. I could make a New Year’s resolution to change, but have been there and done that. I just put it off. Imagine that. So, to all the procrastinators out there, you are not alone. But, in my life, it seems to work for me, so I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing … I just think I’ll do it tomorrow.
A Photographer's Heart 