Tag Archives: hands

What is it about music …

that has the ability to soothe the soul while it simultaneously sends it reeling in turmoil and heartache, joy and sadness; reminiscing and rebelling even as it brings us back, unto ourselves, full circle?

That is is the beauty of it, is it not, to touch the untouchable space in the soul and spark the imagination? To make us think beyond what we know so that we try to touch on that which we weren’t even aware we wanted to know?

Part of the mystery?  The enigma?  The fascination?

I listen to music for hours every day, various genres ranging from hard, head-banging rock, to soothing  yet heartbreaking cello, to piano concertos. There are soaring arias, operatic manifestations that vary widely from my beloved Bryn to local, struggling, yet resilient talent, all of which move me on one one level or another.

Move me to seek, to find, to think, to imagine, to embrace and learn what I’ve always wanted to know.  It, music, is a kind of courage that makes one feel worthy to not only want to know, but to feel that they have right to discover.

It is empowering, this music of which I speak and it belongs to all of us.

Listening to music and interpreting it is no different really, than developing the photographs I take and finding in each one something magnificent or a flaw that makes it unintelligible and useless on every level.

Music is the same.

There are pieces that I listen to daily because I cannot help myself.  I love them, the sound of them, the places they take my mind whether I want to go or not and that is part of its power.

The power to take one on a journey, maybe pleasurable, possibly painful, but a journey that will leave the listener feeling more than they felt before and less because now, they realize that they were, prior to this moment, incomplete.

It is a humbling experience, understanding music and feeling a connection.

Anyone can hear music, but only some can comprehend it understand it and seek it because the choice, once they have experienced it, is no longer their own.

They are a slave to the sound, the vibrations, the magic that music has to offer.

There are composers who enamor me more than others, some very well known, some known not at all.

It makes little difference, at the end of the day.

There are composers I love to hear and conductors I love to watch. Some, at their very core, are nothing less than brilliant.

There are songs that are sappy and sentimental that pull at me just as there are instrumentals that draw from the depths of my inner being and make me feel things that I had either forgotten or purposely hidden away.

I’m still not sure how I feel about those except they evoke emotions that I’m not fully prepared to embrace.

It is during these indecisive moments that I throw things at mirrors, shattering them and feeling perfectly fine about it.

Whether it soothes my spirit, fries my brain or breaks my heart, I need music; it is the language, fourth to words, shadow and light, of my blood.

I can’t play a note of it, but I have an innate understanding of it.

It moves me like the river flowing over the rocks that I so dearly love.

Without music, everything else in my life would go on as it always has, but all of the emotions would be diluted. That, to me, is a sobering thought.

ClevelandOH-34Severance Hall … Cleveland Orchestra … Mahler’s First.

tay_musicMy favorite trumpeter …

Lightning over Big MoccasinProof that nature is full of music and miraculous things…

powelvalley_windsofmtnempire-301The joy of simply knowing what music is about …

clarinethandsA clarinetists’ hands … music and beauty and awesomeness lives therein …

I am starting to wonder …

if this manic phase will ever end.

There was a time in my life when I embraced such moments, likening them to a double ride on the tilt-a-whirl, with the screams and laughter that made me feel invincible.

As I get older, however, I find that they are less like the tilt-a-whirl and more like the crooked carnies that tried so desperately to take my last dollar to win an unwinnable game.

They promised prizes beyond what I could imagine but ultimately, I went home with a stuffed snail or some other hideous thing.

I did once, with awe and childlike levity, win a Loverboy mirror and figured that my life, at that moment, was complete.

Being fifteen, however, has its limitations.

As it turns out, the junk I brought home seemed a pretty steep price to pay for a piece of  “Made-in-China” crap.

Today, I found myself re-reading a lovely piece of work from a friend.  If re-reading was all I was doing, then there would have been no wrong, but I wasn’t just reading.

I was counting.




How messed up, I ask, is that?

Beautiful words written that I counted simply to find a piece of sanity, and, as if counting weren’t bad enough, found fault with.

A line missing.

Who am I to tell the immensely creative people in my life that they have left a line out?

What if it were intentional?

What if it is part of the creative genius?

What if they think I am a jerk at the most basic of levels?

What if they decide that, after all, I am not worth the trouble they take to try to understand me?

Who, beginning with myself, could blame them?

They wouldn’t be the first to give up on me, but, nonetheless, it hurts to think of it.

It is a wonder of wonders that all of my friends don’t simply forsake me when I get like this.

In this I-can’t-hold-a-thought-in-my-head-and-I-think-I’m-going-bats this.

It is a testament to their faithfulness that they ride out the storm with me, knowing that they may, at any moment, be struck by lightning.

I am thankful for them. I pray for them.  I curse them with words that would make a sailor proud.

They know this and like me anyway; the why of that I cannot fathom.

Who are these people?

Oh yes … i remember … they are the ones who understand me even when I find it nearly impossible to understand myself.

They are my friends.  They. Are. My. Friends.

I will be myself again soon.  Surely this is a true statement for there is only so much a person can endure before they are taken, under police custody, to the nearest psychiatric hospital.

I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell and there is a song by one of my favorite groups, “Matchbox Twenty”, that says that very thing.

So it must be true.  It must be.

Just give me some time … a bit of time.

And some patience, some latitude, some longitude and some leeway.

I won’t be this way forever and for that simple fact, I am thankful to a God who understands the way my mind works mostly because He created it.

I won’t back down.  I will get by.  I am unwell.  I will survive.

I think that covers most of the song titles in my head … now, for some serious Wagner time  because He makes me remember that being different isn’t such a very bad thing.

Until I am back to me, adios and God bless.

and the music shall set me free … clarinethands