Cooking for one. There are tons of books and videos on how to cook for one. How to make a dish so that it is sized for one person with leftovers for the following day. Well, I have news. When you cook for one, but have leftovers for another meal, you are cooking for two, but if calling it cooking for one with leftovers is enough for you, then go with it. When my husband was living, we cooked together. Sometimes he would amaze me with dishes that even the finest restaurant couldn’t touch. I told him many times that I would put him head to head against the best chefs in the country any day of the week. Cooking was a joy and a pleasure, but then it became a chore. I can find no pleasure in cooking anymore. I want to. I want to be able to concoct things from a little of this and a little of that, but I just can’t seem to find the desire. I still have the skills and the know-how, I just don’t want to. I don’t want to cook something that nobody but myself can smell or taste. It is one of the odd changes that took place in my life after the death of Jim. Cooking used to be a balm for a bad day … huge, complicated Italian or Indian dishes, Thai chicken and curry beef … but somewhere along the way, it became a burden instead of a pleasure. At first, I felt a bit guilty, as though I were letting someone down, but then I realized that there is nothing wrong with me or the way I feel. Can I still cook? Sure I can, and with the best of them, but do I want to? Very rarely. Instead, I call my mom to see what she’s having for dinner. Many things have changed, cooking being the least of them. For the first time in my life, I am honestly, truly on my own. I have no one to answer to, no one to please, no one to cook for and no one to make conversation with. At first, it was frightening, but as time passes, it becomes liberating and I find myself embracing the thought of being alone. I realize that while I was trying to get used to it, I got used to it. One can’t expect to adapt overnight. It’s been two and a half years since I lost the love of my life and I am just now starting to live without him. If you’re still struggling, don’t beat yourself up. The time will come when you will realize that life goes on and you can either live it or let it pass you by. Choose wisely.
John 16:22And ye now therefore have sorrow: but I will see you again, and your heart shall rejoice, and your joy no man taketh from you.
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